Today was the start of my 10 private breath sessions with Arne.
This breath is different, with no music or anything beside the breath, so it was a new experience for me.
Within a short time the Tetany set in my wrists and face. I had experienced this before but this time felt far more painful, I didn’t realize how scared of love I actually am and how tight I hold on to life. Then all of a sudden I felt freezing and Arne explained this was more God or the divine I was experiencing. I felt a deep sadness that my mind reacted to pure love with a feeling of freezing.
I came out of the experience once I started to label it. I realize often times in my life I skipped an experience because my mind pre-labeled it. Many more things to add here. Costa Rica is amazing and the trip is very inspiring.
WOW!! No emoji for the excitement of this breath session number 2
There were many wonderful things and sobbing with this breath session. But the thing I really want to share is this moment. I was breathing and all of the sudden I could think perfectly clear had complete awareness but had no thoughts. I was more present than I’ve ever been, I asked Arne if there was something wrong I was doing. He explained this was enlightenment, my true self I was experiencing. This is it man!!! all the work and everything all the ceremonies all the energy work. Today for a brief period I found in my 40 years here what I’ve been searching for. Unreal!! Blown away.
Unlimited Breath session number 3
I started breathing and felt a huge fear of the emotions to come. I breathed into all the pain I was feeling. I was paralyzed and couldn’t move anything I started shaking and sweating. I went back to the memory of being pumped full of Phenolbarnitol in my mothers womb and lay there sweating and shaking. I realized as a baby I was detoxing from the drugs and shaking in the incubator. I have had addiction issues off and on. Same thing withdrawal sweating shaking trapped in my adult life. This was just a memory I kept repeating and kept playing out. These are the pieces of myself I am looking and wanting for.
Unlimited Breath session number 4
This session came up my life lesson my personal doubt “what is wrong with me”. I was born a month early an emergency c-section baby, my mom almost died. I have went around my whole life thinking something wrong with me and subconsciously that I almost killed my mom. This has played out in every aspect of my life, and the fear of owning my own power, thinking at some level I will actually kill people somehow. Now my personal quest is “what is right with me” and there is and abundance of those answers because we are spirit.
For me there is nothing more sacred and special, then to be able to assist people to connect with spirit, god,universe,source and see the growth that happens. I am so much looking forward to this. Awesome Arne, so many great things!! There are always many more lessons in each of these sessions, keeping it short for Facebook.
Unlimited Breath Session Number 5
Started with pain in my knee. Why is this pain here? I really never had stood up for myself in this life. I want back to a past life that has come for years and years with several different people I’ve worked with. I was the right hand man to a king or someone of great importance. There are many details. Something happened with a woman me and him and I was punished forever lost everything and chopped of at the knees. The details are all very vivd and real during the session. Things that I can’t make up. I felt very bad about what happened then and very betrayed. I’ve brought these traits with me to this life.
It has played out over and over with my dad and stepmom teacher, girlfriends and so on. It had ended up being me on my knees begging for forgiveness over and over with different people in this life. Bullshit man. I’m not running that program anymore haha what a great feeling. The only way for me to access this info and I’ve tried everything I can find for 25 years on the planet. This breathwork I am doing now.
Unlimited Breath session number 6 – hot water
This session was done in hot water, womb temperature. The reason for this is the mind gets smarter and smarter at using up energy when doing natural breath (the breathing security system, use as much energy as your taking in) the whole point is to have more energy in the body then your using. When I was a kid at 4 I almost drown, I remember seeing the yellow water and a felt lots of peace and a very calming voice say ok you are going to die now. Then my brother found me in the mirky water and gasp I was out. That being said the water brought all sorts of fear up, we do it with a snorkel (optional) last time is snorkeled I was attacked by a Portuguese man o’war witch is a jelly fish basically but far more painful at 6 years old. I wrote about in my other sessions about how i was born an emergency c section. My parents were drinking, fighting, and smoking during my moms pregnancy. My mom has been amazing and shown lots of courage talking about the conditions when she was carry me. In this session I realized I am the one who raised my moms blood pressure. I was not safe there (i felt) so I created an issue and made them get me the fuck out of her a month early. So I get out early and then straight to jail for 3 weeks (incubator). haha umm I’ve been locked up once or thrice, running that program. Honestly even the simplest things as speaking up in a crowd, argument, someone mad, it always had a feeling deep down of life or death. I would get far too much adrenaline over what should be an easy thing and it felt awful. So I just hid. I didn’t let myself be seen. My heart was beating fast as a lay in the water so I drew my awareness there and it turned into a beautiful feeling of life force flowing threw me. Spirit has never failed me not for a second, not ever, its gotten tough for myself when I forget this.
Unlimited Breath Session number 7 – hot water
Breaaattthhhheeee… this is not easy for me at all past few days. Lots of crying, anger, fear, every emotion possible I have been it in last couple days. I know that I start arguments or engage in them. All the same feelings are up and raw trying to be released, and its a motherfucker quite honestly. The wanting to take off is strong. I know that if I leave I won’t get through the healing, I’ve done good work for years on myself but when this deep rooted stuff hits because it was a program of survival, I’ve always left. I have 6 more weeks here and lots more intense work, I’m not leaving no matter what. Also I am becoming an Unlimited Breath practitioner so when others go through this I can be right there with them totally having gone through it. With this session I don’t remember a lot. When Arne helped me out of the tub to keep breathing on the mat, it was exactly like when my brother pulled me out of that lake at 4 (I hugged my brother and kept telling him I love him for ten minutes). A great sadness came over me and I missed and miss my brother deeply, i cried hard for a while. I then surrendered and felt water tricking on me. Flowers and trees and life felt like it sprung out of me, I got distracted for a minute by a thought and it was gone. I can choose life or distractions. I want life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…!!!!!
Unlimited Breath session number 8 – cold water
Today I did natural breathing in cold water. Part of the process is doing the natural breathing as I get into the water slowly. Anytime it felt cold I would breath more and go further into the water until I put the snorkel on with nose plug.
As I mentioned before, I was stung badly by a portuguese man o’ war while snorkeling as a kid. This goes back to attack, not safe, emergency. I can usually go into the water on my own and there is a little fear, but the breathing brought it out more. I finally got my head submerged and started to surrender. Suddenly I was looking down at coral and a beautiful ocean setting, the thought was “wow I could really enjoy this”.
Next I swallowed water and jumped up onto my feet. I thought “what the hell?!”- I was having a great experience, then a second thought hit me right after, actually it was more of an emotion than a thought. The emotion comes first. I realized my next memory was me getting my ass kicked by the portuguese man o’ war. That memory was so strong I actually sucked in water and freaked out before I knew what was happening. This is how strong an unrealeased memory affects our sub-counscious.
I then got out of the water to finish my session. I had a beautiful experience of how the universe just loves us and life force will push us to grow always. I understood all the experiences I percieved as bad were and are love from universe (god, fuente, spirit) trying to push me towards who I am, love light, creation, non suffering. Coming from that place is a totally different approach to life then I’ve had.
The last thing, which was so special: a dog came barking at me while I was breathing. I thought (ego) “I will make the dog feel safe with my energy” and my brain tried a few different things. Then I had the feeling to let source energy flow thru me, creating safety. The dog didn’t bark again instantly when I did that. This is all life force, we are spirit and spirit is us. I always thought that but today I felt and experienced it. Haha yes the dog is home with Alejandra and I, we named him Vida. The sweetest little thing he is.
Unlimited Breath Session number 9 – cold water
Today was the last session with water. Body mastery was the purpose of this session. I didn’t have any ah ha type moments. This session was more feelings and experiences. This session had to do with owning my personal power. I always felt fear of fully owning my power because it felt like I would annihilate other people. Coming to the understanding that my power is safe and god given. Energy (life force) is universal we all have access to this if we choose. I felt so refreshed and alive with energy after this session. It was much easier to get in the water this time and experience the fear.
Another fascinating thing I am finding very interesting is the changes in my physical body before and until now since I started the Unlimited Breathwork. I kept thinking I was looking healthier and more in shape. I would ask Alejandra and she definitely agreed. Then I ran into a couple I first met here and then haven’t seen for two weeks. The man said “wow you’ve been working out”. I had to laugh because normally I am beating myself up for not running or weights or yoga. I have not barely even walked since I’ve been here let alone workout. I asked Arne is this real? “Yes it is very real, you are looking more like your energy body, how you really feel about yourself” after cleaning up the stored memory or emotions. As an example people that go on a diet get skinny for a while then the weight is right back on. Our energy body is how we feel about ourselves. Clearing blocks and emotions has allowed me to me to feel better and better about myself and go back to my true self. What a great side benefit to the breathing is just the physical benefits.
completion of the ten session intensive
The first and most important thing to me about completing the ten sessions is that my heart is much more open, I feel so much more capacity to love, pure love for life and for the moment I am in. I am connecting with people and life in what feels like a much sweeter child-like way. I also want to share my gratitude for Arne Rantzen, we know spirit is doing the work in the same we are spirit and I am happy and feel blessed to know you. Thank you!!
This session felt a lot shorter to me than the others and it actually was my longest doing natural breathing. While Arne and I were talking I brought up sexual abuse, sometimes with other people there is this weird uncomfortable sexual energy. I could never really understand it and it was an ugly feeling. During my session it became perfectly clear that this is sexual abuse energy and it comes up with people who have been sexually abused (sub-counsciously). I went into the grief and anger that comes with sexual abuse. I could see all this black energy envelope me. After all the years at looking at things I have come to the understanding to embrace my darkness not chase it away. Arne also helped me understand this on a deeper level. At first it felt awful and nauseating. I accepted it and let in engulf me, from an Ayahuasca ceremony I did where I saw nothing but darkness at one point, I know darkness just wants love thats all it is, to be loved. I felt a release of this energy and the need to push away is much less. I also had several memories release and I saw how I was trying to heal myself through violence. A memory came up of a guy with a knife to my side that had jumped in my car demanding 5$ worth of drugs, I told him fuck no. Its hard to explain but that was me trying to heal my birth and what ever else is there from past life, and abuse in this life. So many dangerous situations I could’ve easily lost my life. Even at 13 being in and all black gang that was mostly adults, I was searching for healing. Unlimited Breath has allowed me to do this consciously.
I also need to mention about my father who passed Oct 7 2015 (I may or may not have spoke on this). He had pulmonary fibrosis and I watched him basically suffocate and I had to tell the nurse in the end to turn off the machined and I watched him take his few last breaths. My Grandpa, Dad, Grandma and Uncle all on my dads side died of lung issues. Grief is stored in the lungs. This alone amongst many extremely important reasons to me is why I am so happy doing this work. I am grateful to be the one to heal my lineage and I embrace it. The reason for the big push to get back deep into this work is I am a father now. I want my child to be as free from unconscious programs and I know the magnitude of the role a parent plays.